Life is what happened before COVID-19, and it will continue to happen after. This really short blog post will share a few points to consider when life does what it often does…
Do you ever think ‘Come on now Life, give me a break’?
Yeah me too…
Life is forever challenging, always testing. It seems that Life likes to give and then take away… Life can be a real sh*thead at times.
When everything seems to be going to plan it can suddenly go horribly wrong. But that’s ok. It’s nature. It’s part of the cycle, and something we have to accept because it’s when we fight life, life starts to hurt.
Don’t fight against life
Another word for this is acceptance. We hear it all the time but it doesn’t make it any easier to apply. So try this… If something has happened that you’d wish hadn’t, look at it with curiosity. Nod your head at it and say ‘Ok Life, so this is the next test!’. ‘What’s this one all about? Where’s the lesson?’
I encourage you not to say ‘I don’t want this to happen’, simply affirm what you’re going to do about it. I say this because the more we say what we DON’T want it, the more of it we get. Our attention stays in the place of the ‘thing’ we don’t want. We must set our sight forward. What DO you want? Doesn’t that feel better already?
Close your eyes
I don’t mean this literally.
When we’re going through the downtimes, the more we tend to look around, the more we see how well everyone else is doing. ‘They’ve all got their sh*t together, but not me’.
Looking at others takes your eye off the prize. It can disempower you by making you feel like a failure. BUT, please don’t be fooled by what your eyes show you.
Know that you can, and will get past anything you may be going through right now.
How can you know? Because…‘You’ve already survived 100% of the sh*t life has thrown at you.’
Look, life isn’t meant to be easy all the time. Where would the fun be in that? Every emotion we have, positive, and negative was meant for us to feel. The joy, the happiness, the sadness, the pain. It’s all part of being human, it’s all part of the experience… Also, it’s impermanent just like life itself.
But remember, as soon as the fighting stops, the hurt loses its power, it loses its hold. Then it’s time to move past it and experience some of the good stuff.
To get the ball rolling, here are a few links to some FREE wellness practices to keep you active in the meantime;
Think about this… If work is going well, but your social life is non-existent and seeing your mates is important to you… how would you feel?
(Actually, this probably isn’t the best example considering the current climate)…
Ok let’s say work is going well, social life is great, but you have poor health…. OR, health is good, social life is great, work is going to plan but you have a toxic relationship at home – how do you think that you will make you feel?
What I’m saying is that it’s extremely important to pay attention to all your life domains if you’re to experience a peaceful, stress-free mind. Most of us do one to two things:
The first — You focus solely on all things going well in your life and ignore the things that aren’t. Which in turn leaves you with that constant unsettled feeling in background that you may be able to shake off now and then, but it will always find its way back to the mind.
OR — You’re the person who solely focuses on the single thing that seems to been going wrong, which causes you to feel like everything in life is ‘going-to- pot’… That one thing is having full domination of all your life’s domains.
So you see, either way, we need to have an awareness of what’s going in order for us to achieve a peaceful balanced mind. The longer we bury our heads in the sand to ignore that ‘thing’ we’re not wanting to face, the bigger it will grow, the harder it will be to confront and the more frequent it will come back to visit us until finally, it will force us to do something about it… and being forced to do anything isn’t the greatest way to handle a situation.
On the other side on the same coin, that one ‘thing’ having such a negative impact on all the other life domains needs to be put into perspective. What’s going well in your life? What will you do about that one thing holding you back from stepping into your power?
Below is a simple exercise called The Wheel of Life. It’s a great way to get a snapshot of the level of satisfaction you’re experiencing in each life domain.
Note: I’d encourage you to try and fill this out with pre-lockdown-life satisfaction in mind.
Wheel of Life Exercise
Completed Version –
an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.
Allow your emotional state to be standing tall, upright, and steady. Gaining balance prevents overwhelm by giving you more control over your thoughts. It brings peace of mind and allows you to make better decisions… decisions that you’ve made by choice, in your own time, and from a calm place.
So how do we achieve balance, and peace of mind?
Step 1: Complete the wheel of life
The first step is to learn where the imbalance is. It may highlight a few unknowns, and it will for sure cause for action, but it will be well worth it. Of that I am certain.
Step 2: Put things into perspective
Put things into perspective and you may realise that it isn’t your life that’s not going well but in fact, just one thing that we can turn our attention to and aim to solve. Reduce the overwhelm by putting things into perspective. Allow yourself to acknowledge, reset, and start again from a place of understanding and calm.
Step 3: Be honest with yourself
We lie to ourselves way too often when we say things like… ‘I’m actually ok with ‘X’ not going so well at the moment, I have to focus on ‘Y’ right now’.
Please people, don’t fall into the trap of putting something off to focus on something else. Unless you’re truly ok with ‘X’ being how it is, do not ignore it. Face it head-on and your ‘Y’ will be a lot more enjoyable… along with everything else. Be honest with yourself as you will be the only person to suffer in the long run.
Use this time to find your equilibrium… Make balance be a post-lockdown goal.
To get the ball rolling, here are a few links to some FREE wellness practices to keep you active in the meantime;
Not so long ago, I created a survey asking people how comfortable they felt about giving feedback in their teams. Quite a few of the answers on the form quoted:
“Oh I can give feedback to my teammate if something they do frustrates me that’s fine! But obviously with a manager it would be different!.”
Today, I am going to talk about one of the hardest forms of feedback currently known to man: employee to manager feedback. As you may have read in my first blog post on feedback, this can be a daunting scenario particularly in stifling corporate environments where hierarchy is the be-all and end-all.
A great example arose a few months ago when I was discussing with an ex-colleague. She said to me:
“Ohhh I feel my manager is slowing me down! It’s been 3 months now that I’ve consistently asked for the completed documents. He keeps saying he will work on them and get them to me but he doesn’t! It’s so frustrating!”
“Well tell him, It can only help!”
She immediately gasps and says:
“Are you crazy?! Do you want to get me fired? He’s my manager! So what happens when I tell him and my feedback rubs him the wrong way? Then what? I get excluded from the team! How would that help me?”
Herein lies the challenge with giving feedback “upwards”. We are taught from a very young age that hierarchy is often (if not always) right. We are taught that the “parents are wiser and know better” or that “the client is king”. We are also very aware as adults that money is very important to our survival, so we stay on the cautious side, trying our best not to rock the boat.
The consequences of this?
The work remains in an inefficient state; the employee’s feelings about the situation could quickly evolve from frustration to anger and even to demotivation, burnout, or exhaustion. (Side Tip: As a manager, it pays to be wary when your passionate employee goes quiet. That might be a sign that something is off).
Now you might think:
“Oh, so there’s no consequence for the manager then! The only person who suffers here is the employee since they are not in a position of power to give feedback upwards to the manager.”
Well, I think it’s not entirely true.
There are consequences for the manager when their employee can’t give them honest feedback and one of the biggest consequences is that it reduces the team’s productivity, motivation, and morale. When these are affected, the manager will struggle to attain the goal of leading the team effectively. The manager might even witness people ready to leave his/her team at the drop of a hat.
In a sense, the team members hold the key to the manager’s success because they have their ears closer to the ground and a clear idea of what activities or strategies are working well in the team on a daily basis. The manager is more in an over-seeing role, so being able to listen and gain insight from team members is crucial.
So how as a manager, can you create a feedback-friendly environment where employees can give you feedback honestly?
Here are 4 tips I have learned during my journey of personal and managerial development.
Become an active feedback researcher:
YES! Instead of waiting for an employee to give you feedback that you were not expecting, go and ask them for it. Be willing to share that you want to improve your managerial style and you would like to know how you can improve. Something I’ve noticed about this technique is that it feels very empowering for the manager and also, the employees tend to have a lot more respect for a manager who is willing to question their techniques and constantly improve. Try this next time and share with us how it felt!.
Massimo’s story is an incredible example of the growth mindset. As a manager, aim to create spaces where mistakes can happen, where things can “not” go according to plan, and where imperfection is welcomed.
Why? Because we are human; we are all imperfect; we are all flawed. The more we allow imperfection and create from it, the more we create environments where our employees feel safe. In the long run, this gives you employees who are willing to praise your amazing management techniques, and in turn, shout out about the company. Strangely enough, when you give them the freedom to be themselves, they will be willing to jump through hurdles to give you the best of themselves.
(Little parenthesis and a shout out to my current manager Eddie Andress and to my CEO Evgeny Shadchnev for creating and contributing to these holistic practices at work.)
3. Practice Active Listening:
This is probably the most important one but it is highly overlooked. In this step, we are “simply” listening to what another human being has to say. We are not brewing up ideas to challenge their viewpoint whilst the person in front of us is talking. We are simply listening. We are putting any thoughts, private agendas or judgments on the side, and really listening to what they are trying to tell us.
If you’ve never tried this before, try listening to a colleague for 5 solid minutes without interrupting them and without brewing up judgment or ideas whilst they are speaking. It’s difficult at the start but once you get the hang of it, you may find out that you are more able to listen to your employees, to gain more clarity on their issues, to decide the best decisions to take.
4. Break free from ideals:
Free yourself from the idea that you have to be perfect as a manager; that imposing authority is the only way; that you need to lead the troops…It’s old thinking. Move into the future of leadership where emotional maturity reigns: Be willing to accept that you too as a manager are human and thus imperfect and have space to grow and learn. Be willing to accept that you have blind spots just like anyone else. Be willing to recognise your triggers and how you can regulate these triggers so they don’t stop you from taking on good-quality feedback.
Did I hear you say “What triggers?”. Well, that will be the topic of my next blog post so stay tuned 🙂